fml

today sucked soooooo much. my halloween was the worst. i waited and you came at the end when it was closed. what happened to 6...oh wait it became 7. i talked to my other aunt and she helpped cheer me up but im still sad and mad deep down inside. i feel alone... and i really dont like it. all i want is to be happy and it seems like everytime i wish for that i get more sad. i hate this whole thing. i just want it to all end. i just want it to be what it use to. i want us back to how we were. i want it soooo bad too, but it seems to grow farther away even as the days count down. it feels like we arent as close anymore, it feels as if im losing you... and i have no way to stop it. i feel hopeless at times. its like you have cancer and are dying and there is nothing I can do to keep you here with me... maybe i jusdt feel like this because im depressed... i dont like being depressed... fml!

what do i say???

i want to try to talk my aunt in to letting me go back to seeing and hanging out with Amy, but i dont know what to say. i know it will probably end in an argument, but i really cant do this any longer. im not how i was when i was abl;e to spend time with her. im incomplete now. i lose sleep becuase of the constant day dreaming of how good it use to be. i wish i could just go and be happy. my aunt is blind to how i feel, she only cares about how she feels and how she wants to control everyone she can. i hate that she has control over me and that i have to come to this dreaded house everyday, when i wish i could just go home... home, my home is her house. the place i feel safe and i can be myself and not worry about getting in trouble. this morning i woke up to the cold and i thought, i could be waking up warm and next to her in her giant bed, i c ould be the happiest ill ever be, but no im not becuase i live here... here in- in hell.

the day...

the day is coming. the day i never have to hear them bitch at me for not doing what they want. the day i will be able to go and see her anytime i want. the day i will no longer live their life, ill live my own. this day is the day i get all the freedom ill ever have. from that moment on ill never have to go through what im going through now. ill have the good life as they call it. i count down the days until the day comes. its still over a hundred so im not jumping around with excitement or at least not yet. soon i will have a constant smile on my face.the day is one of the things ive been fighting for . that day i will do nothing but move out and spend the whole day with her, Amy. that day will forever be magnificent. nothing will take away my happiness that will come. we will both be full of joy and happiness. I cant wait for the day to come, it needs to come faster.

to her...

i need to be a better boyfriend. you say im amazing but i could try to be better. i need to put you first every time. you are my world and for that nothing should ever come before you. you say you need to change but in fact you really dont need to at all. i love you for who YOU really are. i like that you get jealous because it shows how much you care. your personality is amazing. you as a person are amazing. i love you. you are very strong and stand up for anything you feel is wrong. i just need to stand up more even though i am already standing up, but i should have done it sooner than now. but from now on i plan to stand my ground for you and fight any battle that steps in front of me. i will do anything for you and i am here for you. i will always be here for you. you are my best friend and you will always be my best friend. my main point is you dont have to change i do... I love you for who YOU are and you should never change. i will always love you. I love you Amy Kathleen Davis forever n ever

i cant wait to grad

i cant wait to never have to wake up before 6 am again! i cant wait to sleep and wake up next to Amy. i cant wait to never have an adult tell me what i cant do. who i can see and where i can go. i cant wait for all the things i hecka want to do come true. i cant wait to just lie on the beach watching the sunset with the person i love, Amy. i cant wait to never worrying about getting in trouble for not mowing the lawn or not washing the cars. i cant wait to go buy whatever i want whenever i want. i cant wait to get out of the hell im in now. i cant wait to be able to spend every moment of the day with Amy. i cant wait to get a phone again. i cant wait for the good life. the life of no worries, troubles or doubts. the life only of happiness, joy, and the future. this time will be the best and i wont be alone. ill have Amy to live it up with. i cant wait to not have to go to school everyday. i cant wait. thats all i find myself saying now that im in this situation. the day i get to go with Amy after school and go do what we use to do. go cook, wrestle, run around, play with puppy, eat yummy food all the time, i cant wait to go all the little things we use to do in which i took way for granted.things need to hurry up so i no longer have to wait. that day will come and it will be one of my most happiest days. i cant wait..... i just cant wait.